Pride in Difference
Difference is a
Reason for Pride
Not
Shame.
Human Differences
Religion
Race
Gender
Social Class
Intelligence
Drugs
Understanding
Stress
Priorities & Responsibilities
Expectations
Forgiveness
Parents
True Happiness
Everyday Life
Human Differences
Everyone you meet is different. Every single one, even identical twins, they too are different. Might be an eyebrow, a smile, a little toe, personality and even gender. What one person does to be happy, there is another out there to who it causes sadness. Whether it’s the happy or the sad person, there reasons for those emotions are ‘theirs’. As individuals, it is their choice to smile or laugh, shake or jiggle, walk or run. They can make another individual happy or sad. What one person excels at, another might only be able to watch in awe. At no point do these differences make us more or less worthy of love. At every point, these differences are what makes us individuals, which is what should be celebrated. Difference essentially creates love.
No two people can see an event and record the exact same story. Different people will see, hear and feel different things, no matter how similar the ‘act’ or ‘vision’ was. Yet these ‘differences’, for one reason or another, have been our falling out. Instead of being understood and loved, these differences have separate us from each other. It is only through understanding and patience that these differences can be appreciated instead of scolded. Loved instead of feared.
If we were all light bulbs, we wouldn’t all be the same light bulb. Some would be fluoro tubes, others might be halogens globes and some may be floodlights. If I were a halogen globe and saw a fluoro tube, I wouldn’t think I was brighter or more brilliant than the fluoro tube. I would see that I was different and my light was for a different purpose, different effect, and different colour. I would see my brightness and compare it with my friend the fluoro, but that’s all it should be. A comparison. My friend the fluoro tube is still a light, just a different shape, essentially it still has the same purpose I do. To light.
As a light bulb the only time I can see my effect on things is to turn myself off. When I turn myself off, I can then see what it is like without me. And then when I turn myself back on again, only then can I appreciate the difference I bring to the world around me. Not to say that darkness is better than light, but different.
I’d like to take you on a journey of perception. A journey that not only causes you to re-think your ideals and attitudes, but one that causes you to ‘want change’.
Religion
Religion is a big factor of people’s lives all over our world. For some reason this belief most of us share in an ‘Almighty’ separates us from each other. Not due to one religion being more harmful, stricter or more intense. But due to each religion trying to prove it is the correct one.
Essentially though, it isn’t the religion causing the separation. It is the people within these religions praying or meditating to their God on one hand, and then leaving their church and not taking their belief with them into their lives. For example, most of us have heard the saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". How many of us can honestly say that we practise this in our lives. How many of our children are being taught the ‘real’ lesson behind the saying. How many people know what the ‘real’ lesson is with this old age saying. Religions were not originally produced to separate, they were created to unite. To bring a ‘central understanding’ of our existence. We all know that the benefits from such a thing are obvious, why do we not follow this ?
My explanation for this saying is quite simple. "We are all one, we come from the same essence. Harming another is only harming yourself. Wish upon your fellow man the love and freedom you want for yourself". The funniest thing about the explanation is that it bridges gaps between the various religions.
Why is this? This is simply because when it comes down to it, ALL religions have the right idea, it’s just that some are polished differently for their respective cultures. What makes sense in a story in Australia would need to be explained differently in America, simply because it is a different place. What is commonly known as a Koala Bear in Australia, has never been seen in America and as such the explanation of a Koala Bear would need to be translated so that an American could visualise what a Koala Bear is. As most people would realise, Koala Bears and bears found in America differ in many ways.
Race
For hundreds of thousands of years humans have existed on this earth in one form or another. Depending on your belief system, the way the human race originated may differ, but no matter what the belief system we have all originally evolved essentially from the same beings. Yet as time went on, some groups headed North, others headed South.
Here we are in our current era, and there was a decision made for some reason at some point that the group who headed North are more superior than those who headed South. In this day & age we as human beings should realise that just because you choose a different direction, it does not make you any less worthy of existence, or any less intelligent than those who headed in the opposite direction. As individuals we are constantly ‘generalising’ the human species. People say "Australia originated from convicts, so they must all be thieves". Deep down we know this isn’t true, but yet it’s a statement like so many others. What may have started as a ‘joke’ or ‘humorous’ thought, ended up being some people’s real belief. It is up to the individual to educate themselves so that they know the difference between fact & fiction, but it is also up to the individual to check on their own logic and statements to make sure it isn’t hurtful to another.
Let’s, for sake of example, say that the superpowers of the world can be seen of as ‘those who headed North’. These race’s hold onto their superpower, for fear of losing their supposedly gained ‘power’. They know that it isn’t doing our lives, our culture, or our existence any good, but there is a ‘fear’ for change. Those who live on the ‘North Side’ can see what it is like for those on the ‘South Side’. The wealth that the ‘North Siders’ have attained is not something they want to share, but yet they sit in fear of being attacked because of their ‘power’.
The logic being "Why should I share, I worked for this and it’s mine and my families". Where as if they saw their fellow human is their natural extended family it would sound like "I have gained this wealth so that my family, as a whole can benefit".
There are countries that are destroying crops, grain, corn, and food of all sorts because it is cheaper to destroy it that it is to give to those in need. These same countries will also spend billions of dollars on defence systems because they are worried that these ‘other’ countries may attack them and take their wealth. I often wonder, have they thought about this logic they use. To me it doesn’t make sense. Logic like "If I share my wealth with my neighbour, there is no need to attack me because they already benefit from it" makes more sense. However, I am happy to admit this may not make sense to those who can’t ‘think outside the box’.
I’ve never been one to understand economics, taxes, or Government decisions. However, I am one who understands a logical concept. And as much as I realise that Governments, originally, were put in place to make sure the citizens had their freedom, now days it appears more as though Governments are ‘telling’ people they are free and at the same time they are binding the hands of their citizens.
Gender
As men and women, we are physically and emotionally different. The female body can do things that men can not and the male body can do things that women can not. As a male I can only try and understand what it is like to give birth. I am not physically able to have this miracle occur to me directly. I can only get an understanding, and with that understanding naturally comes an appreciation.
Just as we are different, we are the same. The fact that there are differences between the sexes should in fact allow us to appreciate the other more, but yet we constantly find that people are paid more for a job simply because they are one particular sex. People aren’t hired for certain jobs, simply because they are a particular sex. As with almost everything else, at one point or another, there has been a shift in conscience where it was believed that one sex was more dominant than the other. There is no sex more dominant or powerful than the other. These differences are simply that, differences. They are not reasons or explanations that one sex is better, more powerful or more spiritual, they are ONLY differences. Using the current logic, one could also say that one person is more ‘physical’ than another. We all know this not to be true, but yet we hold onto a bi-product of this belief.
It is these differences that we should love. For it is seeing and understanding the differences in others that we can then appreciate our own existence more and understand ourselves better. In looking and understanding what one sex can offer society, we can then look at ourselves and appreciate our own abilities and talents. Without beauty you would not appreciate that dog poo isn’t beautiful.
(Although I’m sure out there, there’s someone who thinks dog poo is beautiful and peace to you )
Classes (Social)
The difference between ‘wealth’ and ‘poor’ is a matter of perspective. One family may live in a million-dollar house, the parents both work 50-hour weeks. The children come home from school and sit and watch the TV until they are hungry, they grab a quick bite and sleep. The family is rarely all under the one roof, let alone in the same room communicating to each other. There is ‘love’ in this family model.
Then we have another family. They rent a small 2 bedroom flat. The father works part time, as does the mother. The family does not own a TV and as such when the children come home they all sit in the lounge room and discuss the day’s events and current topics. They often are together and enjoy this time. There is ‘love’ in this family model.
You have two totally separate family situations there. It’s not right to say that one set of parents love their children more, nor is it right to say that the other set of parents don’t do enough for their children. Either one of these families could have either of these accusations thrown at them. The difference here is only a ‘social’ one. What may seem natural to one family, is completely absurd to the other. Not because it’s wrong, but simply it’s not what they are used to in their families.
For example, let’s say that in the first family example the mother loses her job and as such spends a lot more time at home with her children. At first this would seem strange to all those involved, but over time they grow accustomed to it and actually appreciate it. Nothing has changed in this family model other than one parent being at home more.
In both these family models, the children get into trouble, food is bought weekly, bills are paid and love is shared in the family. Simply because one family may have 12 bedrooms in their house and only 3 kids, yet the other family has 2 bedrooms and 6 kids, does not make any of the individuals involved more or less ‘worthy’. More or less ‘important’. The only thing it makes them is ‘different’. Difference is not something to be tossed aside, difference is something to be understood and appreciated. For it is ‘difference’ that makes us individuals, as it is existence that makes us all special.
Intelligence
This is an area where it unfortunately works both ways. In school, the children who understand things easier or have interests in things other than sport and the opposite sex are picked on. Quite often these children are the focus point of jokes and teasing by the more ‘popular’ kids, or the ‘sporty’ kids, or by the kids who don’t want to be seen as the ‘next target’.
When these children get older, sometimes the tables are turned for them. The children that used to tease them, are now ‘below’ them in a work status or social status. These kids who used to be the ‘jokees’ , have now become the ‘jokers’. The children that were once picked on, are now the bullies. The power they felt they didn’t have as children, they are now experiencing as adults.
Is this right to do. Is it necessary to ‘lower’ someone else so that you can ‘boost’ yourself ? Difference is not in existence to separate us, difference is in existence to bring us together and help us work together as a team for the long term goal of complete understanding. It is only once we learn to use the differences to our benefit that we will understand and appreciate our unity in existence.
Drugs
Some are addicts, some individuals are ok with some drugs, others aren’t ok with any. As far as I know they can be split into two categories of purpose and two categories of creation.
Medicinal and Recreational for the purposes
Natural and Chemical for the creation category.
This universe, as you and I, have all been created for a reason. The reason for the creation can only be learned from experiencing the creation. As stated earlier, everyone experiences things differently. What is happy for you could be sad for me. The drug that works for an individual however, and assists them be the person they want the universe to have created, assist to experience life to it’s fullest potential, the drug should be used.
With some drugs, however, there is an addiction factor that must be considered. Once the addiction has layed foundations in your mental and physical states you are no longer in control of your choices. If you are not making your choices so that you can be who you want to be at that point in time, then the drugs are not assisting you any more. Whether a drug is legal or illegal was created from business, money and politics. Logically should be considered on an individual factor. Drugs are an individual thing until they effect others in a way they don’t want to experience. Unless the experience of an individual is learnt, it can’t be understood or appreciated.
Addiction will always effect your relationships with other people, and will also effect your experience of existence. You as an individual ‘cease to exist’. Your addiction removes control from your mental and physical body, emotions and thoughts are adjusted by the addiction. This, as far as right and wrong is concerned, is wrong. You are being the best ‘you’ that you as an individual can be. You are not proud of yourself.
Addictions happen just as often with legal drugs as they do with illegal drugs. At any age a natural or chemical drug can take control of your life. A dependency can be created whether it’s a medicinal drug or recreational drug. It doesn’t matter what side of the globe you live on, the colour of your skin is irrelevant, addiction doesn’t even care what language you speak. It can be gambling, diet, alcohol, marijuana, vanity, cleanliness, heroin or working-out. Some individuals are addicted to the exact moment of the drug taking more than the drug. Others look forward to the after effects, then there are some who look for that total ‘high’ at the peak. At the point of addiction it’s no longer the drug that is the issue as much as why is the individual addicted.
Addiction, as most will know, is an escape. It could be anything from pain to reality. The individual needs to realise what they are trying to escape from. Once this is realised a remedy can be implemented and the individual will eventually, under guidance, show improvement.
Understanding
As children we are always looking for this, as adults we are constantly trying to prove we have this. To ‘understand’ a situation is a powerful tool. If you can look at a group of people and listen to them talking, if you are able to truly understand the points that are being communicated you are a lucky person. A lot of the time we, as adults, will walk away from a situation and get the general meaning of it. Rarely though, will we truly understand what the situation mean.
For example, when there is confrontation between 2 people. Not necessarily an argument, but a disagreement of logic, or perspective. Both parties can see the situation at hand and get different understandings of what is going on. It is rare for both parties to understand the situation in the same way. This isn’t because one party is smarter than the other, it isn’t because one of the parties has more experience. It is simply that we understand things differently, and this is because as children we learn different lessons different ways from different experiences.
We all know that some of us learn better when shown how to do something, others learn more when they do ‘it’ for themselves, and there are others again who will learn the task at hand if you supply them with a manual to read. Once again, this isn’t because one party is smarter than the other, it’s simply because as individuals we have certain ways we need to get things done to get the most out of the situation. To get the best understanding of a situation we need to take part in different ways.
We’ve all had the situation after leaving a gathering of some description where someone has noticed that a couple weren’t ‘getting on’. However another person who may have been involved with the same conversations at the same time doesn’t see this, or doesn’t notice it. It’s not due to ignorance of the situation that this person doesn’t see the friction between the couple. It’s simply that for that person to understand there was friction, they needed more information communicated in a way so that they could understand it and to see it.
To put this another way. Most of us have been the ‘mediator’ at some point in our lives. And we all know that there are at least 2 sides to each argument. As mediator it is our role to understand, as best we can, the situation and logistics of both sides and then get both sides to understand the other. As mediator, both sides will take their turn in explaining the situation from their perspective. As the mediator, once both sides have been explained, we then translate that into a way that the arguing side can understand. This is what was lacking before the mediator came into the situation. Neither side could get the other to understand their point of view, not because of bad explanations, but because we understand things differently.
Understanding a situation is an important factor in life. The better we understand a situation the better we are at deciding what to do about the situation. If we have not had a certain predicament thrown our way before, we will learn about it ‘on the fly’ and generally sit back later to try and understand it better, using what we learnt as the tool to understanding.
If there is no understanding of a situation, we are not going to have any idea how to deal with it. As such the chances of dealing with it correctly are up in the air, we simply don’t know how it’s going to turn out. Once we are at the end of the situation and look back at what has happened and why, we can then get a better understanding and this will allow us to deal with similar situations better.
At any age we are products of our past. The younger we are, the less situations we have had. As such our learning curve as youths is very steep. You only have to look at the average teenager to see this in ‘real time’. However, as adults we have experience on our sides, we may have not dealt with every situation and predicament known to the human race, but we have learnt enough to understand what we are capable of. For example, during the youth stage of our lives we may have never had anything to do with guns. And as youths we don’t understand the dangers involved in walking around with a loaded weapon. As adults, at some stage, we have learnt that carrying a loaded gun is not a healthy thing to do. This isn’t to say that we have at one stage carried a loaded gun, but more that we have learnt from other people’s situations that this is a bad thing to do. We have a better understanding because we have in some way learnt that people can be hurt. As adults we can then make an educated decision on whether it is a good idea to carry a gun.
To have an understanding, first there needs to be experience. Whether that experience was direct (self-taught) or indirect (learnt from another) is irrelevant. It is the experience that gives us the understanding. Someone who has lived in a cave all their life is not going to last to long if they decide to move to the city. They would never have experienced cars, traffic, lights, shopping. And this works in reverse too, someone who has lived in the city all their life is not going to know what it takes to live in a cave. And the only way they will understand what it takes is to either experience it themselves or experience it through someone else.
As above, some people understand things better if they do it themselves first hand. Others need to be told or shown. The secret is realising how you come to understand things, and use this in every aspect of your life. Not to understand ‘others’ better, but to understand yourself better. In a deeper way. Instead of only knowing that you will burn if you stand in the sun for 6 hours, you should know how much you are going to burn, what damage it will do to you in the near and far future, and how that will affect your day to day living. It’s a ‘deeper’ understanding that is the important factor for happiness. The more you know ‘you’, the better you will understand how you are going to be able to deal with any given situation.
Stress
This seems to have become the ‘buzz word’ for the 90’s. Stress, put simply, is a bi-product of not dealing with the current situation that you find yourself in. The reasons that stress will occur will always differ from person to person, individual to individual. This is simply because what one individual may find difficult, another may find it easy.
If there is stress in the life of an individual, that stress will effect the way that individual behaves and treats others. The more stress, the less ‘control’ that individual will be able to display for their life. The less control they have, the more stressed they feel. It is a cyclic spiral of emotions. If this is ‘cured’, most of the time it is ‘cured’ by that individual talking to another. Whether the person is a professional therapist or a friend, when they are sitting there listening to the ‘stressed’ person describe their problems, they are doing more than just ‘listening’. They are being a ‘sounding board’ for their patient or friend.
Many therapists will tell you that it is rare for a person to walk out of their office feeling more ‘stressed’ than what they were when they walked into the office. This isn’t because they have supplied the person with a magical cure or a mental break. It is simply because they have allowed their patient to describe and talk about their problems, without hesitation, without interruption, with only patience and listening.
Everyone at some point has felt the relief that comes from ‘chatting with an old friend’. It’s not that the old friend has magical influence, it’s more that the old friend has an understanding of you. They know what you do, who you are, what you stand for, how you deal with things, and they might even know about your past. All of this makes you feel ‘at ease’ talking to them.
With the therapist it’s a different ball game. We have all heard the saying "It’s easy talking to a stranger as they don’t judge as quickly". People who find it easier to talk to strangers than to an old friend, aren’t any different than the people who prefer to talk with their friends. However, for one reason or another they don’t feel at ease talking to their old friends. Maybe because they don’t want their friends to know they aren’t ok, maybe it’s just that they don’t want to trouble their friends. There is no one person better to talk to than the other. The secret is the same with who ever, it is just the fact that you are ‘talking’ about the things in your life you are finding difficult.
Some find it easy to sit and talk for an hour or two. Others have to be prodded or questioned before they ‘spill their beans’. Either way, at the end of the talk we will always feel better.
With this in mind, it is important to know that it’s not up to the therapist or the old friend to question you and ‘check’ that you are ok. It is up to the individual to realise when they aren’t dealing with their life in the way they’d like to. It is up to the individual to realise that they need help with the situation. It is up to the individual to make sure they are ok. Friends can listen, advise, discuss and understand. But they can not ‘make’ you happy. They will always be there, and help with what you need. But they can not ‘do the job’ for you. It is up to the individual to make sure they are happy with who they are, where they are, what they stand for and to make sure they are doing what they want to do when they want to do it.
Priorities & Responsibilities
It appears that in today’s society, life is based around trying to escape responsibility. We have people taking companies to court for serving hot coffee that the customer spilt on themselves. We have people telling television companies to take their movies off the air because their children are learning lessons from the TV that they as parents don’t want their children to learn. Is it just me, am I the only one on this beautiful planet of ours that can see what is going on ?
Morals are a choice of individual, what you feel strongly against I may not. They adjust as life goes on and as knowledge is acquired. For the individuals it’s a normal natural step to assess and re-assess. This is but a small part of our brainpower. Morals are a personal thing based on experience. The funny thing with this is how the individual through out history has only wanted ‘happiness’, true unaltered happiness.
If there are parents out there, is it not their responsibility to teach their children the rights & wrongs with life. To teach them what morals are. I may not have a degree, nor may have I been long in this life, but I do listen to my ‘inner voice’. My inner voice tells me that these ‘parents’ should spend less time watching what’s on TV so they can then complain about it, and perhaps spending more time with their children explaining to them ‘why’ the TV program isn’t right in ‘their’ opinion. Of course there is always the response "Well it’s easier said than done". To this I would ask how hard is it ? How hard is it knowing it’s for your children ? Parents often say that they would give their own lives for their children, why not just invest some time and energy from their lives for their children when needed ?
Life IS about finding happiness. When children come into the picture, there is a responsibility to at least one of the parents to teach this child the deeper moral’s of what is right & what is wrong. The lesson’s need to be taught up too the age where the child is making adult decisions based on their ‘life morals’. At that stage, the parent figure is no longer needed as a ‘teacher’ as much as they’re needed as an ‘adviser’. Ego is the main damage from this, the parent naturally feels ‘un-needed’, which is a shame. At this point in their life they should be feeling ‘pride’ that they have completed their ‘teaching’ role, and now get to sit back and watch their ‘student’ take on life’s challenges with the tools they have been supplied.
There are more lessons than the ‘morals of life’ that need to be taught to the child of course. One of which that seems to be forgotten frequently is the lesson in ‘happiness’. Happiness, pure happiness, although being looked for everywhere, is rarely found. The main search is external from the ‘self’. Cars, houses, all sorts of things are purchased in the search of happiness. There’s an easier way though. Happiness is in everyone. And it IS in there.
As we go through daily life there are minute–by-minute decisions to make. Most of us would say "I’ve barely got time to scratch myself", until they think about the next question. If you were told that all you had to do to be happy was wait 5 seconds before making a normal day-to-day decision, would you wait ?
It’s a long time to be standing in front of someone while they wait for an answer. However, the 5 second theory isn’t meant to be taken literally. It’s meant to be taken as example. Instead of ‘reacting’ on decisions, it’s actually easier to ‘pro-act’ on decisions. The hard part is getting used to it. If a simple breath is taken while making a decision, this is being ‘pro-active’ during the decision making process. To learn this is easy, try it, then try it again, and again and again. Keep trying it until you no longer have to think about ‘trying’ it because you will be already ‘doing’ it. Simply breathe in and out.
Over time, the decisions made using this process will be made with a clearer head. A mind that is more understanding and thinking clearly. A soul that is happier due to the extra time taken in life to ‘breath’ in ‘life’ itself. And a heart that will be healthier due to the calmness in the body that it supports.
Expectations
Expectations are strange things. These are rules that each of us ‘place’ onto another that we (the placer) expects each individual to live up to. It isn’t right for individuals to implement these ‘rules’ onto others, but it IS in our nature.
If someone doesn’t live up to our expectations of them, we get disheartened, sad and upset, sometimes angry. If we look to where these expectations come from originally we might find the answer as to how to stop them being implemented. If you live life in a mansion with butlers and people making your every meal, you learn to expect this from life. As such you don’t bother learning to cook. If you live life in a cardboard box and each day have to rummage through bins to find a meal, this is what you are used to and therefore your expectations are much lower as you know you have only yourself to rely on to get food in your stomach. You may find that because that you only rely on yourself, you don’t have much trust for other people as they may look down on you. When that you walked by you’d hear comments like "Smelly" or "Bums ruining the neighbourhood". After years of this you would get a ‘me against the world’ attitude naturally.
However, if the after living in the box somehow you ended up living in the mansion with the butlers. The first night they brought you food, you’d might throw it out and go make your own food, simply because you don’t expect them to do right by you. Why would you, people have cursed at you all your life. So expectations work both ways. Good and bad. The challenge is though, to simply exist and not to expect.
This is very difficult because you are changing something that has been in your life in one form or another for all your life. You expect shops to be open at a certain time, you expect to be able to finish work at 5pm, you expect a kiss from your partner each night or a present on your birthday or for Christmas. We are all brought up to ‘expect’ certain things. When these expectations aren’t met, we get upset or disheartened. Sometimes we even think "Oh well that’s just typical". Is it though ?
As an individual, if we are happy with who we are and where we are. Expectations come secondary, rarely can anything ‘throw us’ or cause us to be upset. Simply because we are ‘ok’. We know that everything is ok, so if the present isn’t in our sock at Christmas it really doesn’t matter because we have a natural appreciation of who we are. The fact that the individual knows within themselves "Hey I’m ok", then external factors really aren’t relevant. In fact external factors almost become obsolete. Not to say that if a tragedy occurred you wouldn’t be upset, but you may find that although you are upset it’s ok because you appreciated them while they were alive. You loved them and cared for them as best you could, when you could in what ever way you could. Because once again, with the appreciation of yourself and your own existence comes appreciation of the other things in your life.
Forgiveness
To start with I need to clarify something. Being able to forgive is the first step in understanding why you are feeling pain. To most of us we would believe forgiveness comes naturally. However when it’s thought about, true forgiveness isn’t that easy. The majority of the time, to forgive someone it is needed for that person to feel sorry, or that person has to meet certain criteria.
For example, for most young boys at school if they are hit in the arm by a friend, it isn’t until they hit them back do we forgive them. Even as adults, I’ve had people say to me "My boyfriend cheated on me and I won’t forgive him until I can cheat on him". We must ask ourselves, is this really forgiveness. Does someone really have to meet with our own personal criteria for us to forgive them. Keeping in mind that our ‘personal criteria’ has developed over time, over pain and over experience.
One of the many 90’s statements was ‘unconditional love’. To put a description on this is difficult, but most can understand what this is when it’s described as "the love that a mother has for their child’. It doesn’t matter what that child does, the mother will always be there to hug and keep safe, no matter what the consequence. Part of this ‘unconditional love’ is forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t forgetting as much as it is understanding. To understand why an individual did something to you that hurt, brings a clarity to the situation. And at that time of clarity, we can generally realise that given that situation the chances are we would have done a similar thing, perhaps handled it differently on a personal level.
Forgiveness is also removing yourself as the victim. If you have been hurt you naturally feel as though the attacker has purposely done to you personally. If you were to take a step back and think that it wasn’t so much a purposeful attack, but instead a lesson you needed to learn. We then stop being the victim and become the student. At that point, once we have realised there is a purpose behind the pain, we separate ourselves from the situation and begin to see things from a different perspective. It is at this point we start to realise the possibilities as to why we are experiencing the pain.
A good example of this is the Dalai Lama. This greatly spiritual individual and the Tibetan monks have been persecuted and exiled from their ‘natural homes’ by the Chinese Government. The reason for the events leading up to the exile is something only that particular government can explain. However for the Dalai Lama, an acceptance of the exile has allowed him and his followers to understand themselves better. What I mean when I say this is simple, without being exhiled the Dalai Lama would not have had as much appreciation of his ‘home country’. The Dalai Lama also would not have had as much impact on the outside world and would not have affected so many people with his wisdom and natural understanding of things. I am not saying that these are the definite reasons, but I am saying that this situation has allowed the Dalai Lama to learn of the various things he needs to so he can understand why these things are happening to him.
It is not until we remove ourselves as the victim do we start to see the benefits to any supposed ‘bad’ situation. Any experience that has pain in it, is a experience where we learn. If we don’t take note of the situation and attempt to learn from it, we will experience the same pain over and over again. Take the woman who marries over and over again, she finds her husbands repeatedly cheat on her. She could easily be the ‘victim’ in the situation, but doing this is not going to benefit her or those around her. If, however, she took the step back and looked into herself, into her history and experiences, she would notice a pattern. It is from this pattern that an understanding as to why these things repeatedly happen to her are explained. The deeper the search goes the better the understanding. But she must first remove herself from the ‘victim’ role. It is always an experience from our own personal history that causes our sad emotions to activate, if it wasn’t our pure ‘self’ wouldn’t remember pain.
Forgiveness is simply part of this procedure. To remove yourself from the victim role, you must understand that you are in this situation to learn something about yourself. Once you realise that you are to learn something about yourself, there is no blame, no victim, and no attacker. There is only a lesson and your perception of that lesson.
Everybody at one point or another has looked at a situation and has perceived it to bad, when in fact it is something great. At the point of realisation there is a feeling of ‘a great weight off the shoulders’. This is a similar feeling that is experienced when true forgiveness takes place. You no longer see the person as an attacker, but instead you see them as an assistant. For it is very difficult to learn something without being taught the basics. And your soul is constantly trying to show us the basics of who we are. Through events in our lives, thoughts in our mind, people, always trying to communicate.
Forgiveness allows the soul to communicate with us. Once we have forgiven and we remove ourselves from the victim role, we instantly will feel better. For we are no longer being hurt, but instead we are learning about ourselves.
Forgiveness isn’t as easy for some as it is for others. If one finds it difficult to forgive, then stop thinking about the attacker, sit and think about what you have learnt from the experience. Even if the first thought is "Well I learnt not to trust him again". That is fine, that IS a lesson. But there will be more to learn. Everyone is searching for happiness, it is simply that some people choose to look in strange places.
We create our own realities. If from a child your father wasn’t around, then as an adult it may be difficult to see your father on a regular basis. There may even be some anger built up and aimed at your father. Even if your father was working 50 hours a week so there was food on the table, the child does not understand this. As a child we believe the world revolves around us. So the fact that the father isn’t around can be taken personally, and if not dealt with and understood, as an adult the relationship between that father and child could still be foreign. It is not until we remove ourselves as the victim, and understand that the father was actually working for our survival. But without removing the "I am the victim" there can not be "I understand why".
Many fathers and mothers are at work now days, children don’t understand why. And even though the parents may work back late at home to build toys for their children, the children don’t see this as they are in bed. Some take it personally and some even go to the point where they believe their parents don’t love them because they don’t ‘make time’ for them. As adults we understand life a little bit better, and as adults if we can understand the pain we went through as children, we can often link it up to the pain we experience repeatedly as adults. Make a commitment to your children, literally tell them "I want you to tell when you really really want me to play with you because you are important." If you see a negative cycle from your history regenerating in your life, stop it. Take responsibility for your life and those lives close to you.
Parents
I’ve mentioned parents and parenting already, but I feel it necessary to clarify further.
Every parent has at one stage or another wanted to stop their child from experiencing pain. However, there comes a time when every parent needs to stand back and hope that the child ‘knows better’. They need to take faith in the fact that over the years they have passed on their own personal life lessons to that child and that their child has learnt from them. There will always be times of pain in every individuals life. This pain is what teaches us the biggest lessons.
I can remember as a young child climbing to the very top of a tree and sitting on a branch. I can still remember looking out over the bay and looking down at the mud below, thinking "I’m really high, I hope I don’t fall". This thought went through my head just before I heard a snap. The next thing I knew I was at the bottom of the tree laying in the mud, looking up at my friend who was busily racing down the tree to my assistance. Ego and fear were the only injuries that occurred that day. However. I learnt a few very powerful lessons that day.
All of these lesson’s have stayed with me to this day. And to this day I have never climbed to the top of a tree and sat down. If you climb to the top, hold on tight to your position.
My mother, although very caring and loving, always had a deal with me. She would let me out as long as I told her exactly what I was doing. Part of the deal was that as long as I was honest with her, she wouldn’t get upset with me. Looking back at this time in my life, I’m sure my mother regretted making that deal with me as it definitely worked in my favour (or so I thought). One thing it did allow me though is to learn about life through my own eyes. I would come home and tell my mother about all the stuff I got up to, and we would talk about the various situations and people. She would always take the time to make sure I understood things properly and always made sure I would know what to do in a ‘worst case scenario’.
I am not suggesting this method of parenting, I am merely giving you an insight into part of why I’m ‘me’. My mother worked long hours and as such I was on my own a lot anyway, but through this growing up, through this style of parenting, my mother and I became (and to this day still are) very close. And I do understand things, and I do take the time to realise what situations mean and what ‘could’ have happened. I also realise the importance of knowing what to do in the ‘worst case scenario’. Appreciation of and learning from the moment, every moment.
I would have caused my mother many sleepless nights or worry and concern. However she has always said, that although concerned she realised I could and would learn and understand. As long as I stayed honest to myself and honest to her, as long as I kept control of myself, I would be fine. She taught me very young that if I was ever un-sure about something or someone, if I felt I was no longer in control or if I had a ‘gut feeling’ I was to get safe and quickly. To this day I still use this logic.
My parents are both friends of mine, not so much parents but friends. I am an adult now, and as such I don’t need their parenting. At one stage or another I have sat down with both my father and mother separately and have said to them over lunch "Thank you for your lessons and love. I no longer need your parenting as much as your friendship".
It is possible for every child to say this to their parent. However, it IS also possible for a parent to say to their child "I’ve taught you all I can about life, it is now time for you to use the intelligence and wisdom you have gained. I love you and I’m very proud of you. I will always be your parent. However, I want to now offer you a friendship because you are old enough to speak to me and respect me as a friend". An adult child hearing this has an instant bond with that parent. The child then realises that the parent is not going to tell them what to do with their life, they will always advise as this is what parents do. But they will never ‘tell’ the child. And that’s what makes the difference, it bridges the gap and bonds the friendship. Side by side instead of in front of or behind.
True Happiness
How do we make that first ‘step’? Those first initial decisions to make a difference to the world around us. The thing is, most of us share a belief instilled into us as children that ‘we are alone in this world’. When in actual fact, we are all one. Isn’t it funny how ‘alone’ & ‘all one’ are so similar in spelling but supposedly so different in meaning.
That doesn’t make that ‘step’ any easier though. Using that logic will only leave you feeling the ‘weight of the world is on your shoulders’. What makes the difference though, is that the more you decide to make that ‘step’, the more reward you feel inside. The internal warmth of satisfaction and knowing. Knowing you HAVE made a difference to the world. Even if in one day you bring a smile to one face, you HAVE made a difference. We all deal with each other on a day-to-day basis. None of us ‘glide’ through life like a swan in a lake. Some however find they feel like they are constantly fighting the flow of life. Others ‘know’ that is a battle, and they are willing to do what ever it takes to see that their ‘needs’ are met.
There are a lot of books out that will tell you of religious beliefs, manuscripts, lost spirituality and all sorts of things that are intended on making the world a ‘better place to live’. They ALL offer valid points and logics. However, the difficulty isn’t finding one that makes sense, the difficulty is putting the ‘new found’ concepts and logics into our lives. When it comes down to it, all these books are telling us the same thing. Our lives are experiences, and if we ‘choose’ bad experiences that is what we live. If we ‘choose’ good experiences then that is what we live. People all over the world say "I want good experiences, but I’m always in trouble". This IS what they experience, they DO want good experiences, but as they request, they ARE always in trouble.
A good experience for you is not necessarily a good experience for your neighbour. Depending on the lives we have lived, and the lessons we have learnt, our experiences and the way we perceive these experiences are very different from one person to the next.
For example, you may have a pilot who loves to fly. She wants nothing more than to be up there with the birds, soaring around, up and down. You might have another person who loves to be in the water swimming with the fish. Weightless and wet. The person who loves to fly, may have almost drowned as a young girl and therefore is scared of the water. And the person who loves to be with fish might have fallen from a high tree as a young boy, and therefore is scared to death of heights and was driven towards water.
The fact that these two people love and hate each others chosen field, does not make either of them right or wrong, bigger, better or less loving and caring. What it makes them is individuals who have had different experiences and different perspective’s of those experiences. The girl who loves to fly may have also fallen out of a tree when she was young, and she may have simply chosen at some point to beat that fear. You never know the circumstances and thought processes behind a persons reasons for doing particular things. There is no problem with this, as long as there is an acceptance that we ARE individuals.
You will get many various explanations as to why we are here. Through-out the various lessons I have been taught, books I have read and stories I have been told. I have found one general logic, and that was this:
‘Existence is for experience. We exist merely to experience that which God can not."
What this means is this. Let’s say you have a cat named Max. And you have a Dog named Fido. Max knows only what it is to be a cat. How to clean itself, eat, purr and do all the things that cats do. Fido knows only what it is to be a dog. Roll over, sit, bark and fetch the paper. Now for Max & Fido the closest they will get to true understanding of each other is through observation of each other. Max would have to watch Fido walk across the road and fetch a paper to have any sort of understanding of what that feels like for Fido to ‘fetch the paper’. Having to get up off his mat, dodge the traffic going across the road, picking up the paper in his mouth and bringing it back to his owner. To experience this, Max would have to do the same thing. But as Max is a cat, he can not ‘fetch the paper’. Therefore the closest experience Max has of ‘fetching the paper’ is through observing Fido. This is what we are for God. God can not ‘experience’ life as God is experience, one and all. So as with our fur ball friends Max & Fido, God observes us so that God can experience ‘life’. Simple ‘life’. The one thing we take for granted is the one thing God can’t have. The one who created everything.
God as ‘God’ can not truly experience life itself, God IS life. Therefore God can not experience God. It would be like asking Fido to explain to Max what it’s like to be a Dog. Max knows only what it’s like to be a Cat, so any experiences Max has can only be perceived from a ‘Cats perspective’ regardless of Fido’s experience, lessons or language. For Max to know what’s like to be a Dog, he would have to become a Dog. And at that point Max would no longer be a Cat. As such, if God were to change so there could be life experience, then God would cease to exist.
Your existence is pleasure to God as that IS all God asks. To exist. Your existence is your choice, what you do with it, how you live it, it is ALL your choice. There is no ‘right or wrong’, wrong is merely that which does not serve you to be who you choose to be at that point in time. For example. If you want to help people in any way you can, and a beggar approaches you on your way home from work and asks you for a dollar. If you told the beggar to leave you alone, that is wrong if you are ‘truly’ wanting to help people.
The reasoning behind your decisions in life are yours, what you choose to experience is up to you. If you choose to experience what it’s like to do things other people want you to do, this is your choice. If you are not happy with this choice, it is wrong for you to keep choosing it. Simply because you are not ‘being’ what you want to ‘be’. You are not ‘existing’ in a way that pleases you. After all, we are ALL human ‘beings’.
I’ve always said to my friends "Happiness is a choice, no one can choose it for you, and no one can ‘make’ you happy. It is up to the individual to create their own happiness, to make themselves happy."
Your life is just that, YOURS. If you are not happy with your life, change something. We should be happy just because we exist, however some of us do need more. The problem comes into it when we are looking outside ourselves for happiness, because no one is going to give it to us, we have to find it on our own. The reason for this is simple, as with Max & Fido earlier. Happiness to Fido is getting his belly rubbed, happiness for Max is having a chin scratch. If you scratch Fido’s chin he’ll look at you like you’ve gone crazy, if you scratch Max’s stomach he’ll probably scratch you. What makes me happy is different from what makes you happy. Not ‘laughter happy’ as this is a sense of humour. I’m referring to ‘Life Happy’. The challenge in life is in finding what makes us ‘Life Happy’, and the moment we stop looking for that true happiness, is the very moment we are doing ourselves ‘wrong’. No one else but ourselves.
Some people may have had, or may know of someone that has had, a life changing experience occur to them. An experience that has left such an impression, taught such a lesson, experience a feeling that has altered their outlook on their existence. The funny thing is, you don’t have to get cancer or almost lose your life before you realise your life is special, precious, worth living every moment for it’s worth.
When you wake up tomorrow morning, you will think of this writing. Decide at that exact moment in time that today you are going to improve on the person you are, and be the best ever ‘you’ that you can be. Do what ever it’s going to take to make you happy and proud to be you. You are the individual, being at a point in life where your happiness and pride comes simply from the being of ‘you’. This the day an inner peace will be a lifestyle not just a dream for you and the effects that occur on other individuals will be only pure and positive. Feel that way each day, make that commitment, not just tomorrow, but the next day as well, and the one after that. Every morning, remind yourself how far you’ve come, do what it takes to feel good about you.
Everyday Life
So what is the next step? After reading this, there are probably many questions and thoughts going through your mind. The answers to these questions are already in your mind. In fact most of the facts and logics laid out in this writing were already in your mind. We’ve all heard things like "Where focus goes energy flows" and sayings like this. They seem familiar, and are impossible to disagree with. However we, a lot of the time, forget them as quickly as we find them. This is where you the individual, as an individual, come into it. This is where you as ‘you’ change things in your life.
It’s not an overnight process, it’s not even a week long exercise. This is a lifestyle. A changing of your perspective on things. No one but you can decide "Yes, I want this in my life. I want to feel good about being me, feel good about being an individual". This is where you as ‘you’ go out into the real world with a sense of pride that although it may have always been there, you are now probably looking at things differently. It may feel like you are seeing things differently, or understanding things in a clearer light. What ever the feeling, the effect this has is just the same, and the effect it has is just the same on the people around you.
The simple fact is this. If you feel good about you, about who you are and what you stand for. Feel good about being the person you are, and feeling a pride about the person you have become. This feeling will overflow onto those around you. If you feel good about who you are, people around you will naturally feel good about who they are when they are around you.
The more these people are around you, the more they will understand things in the same way you will. The energy you have is the energy they feel. As well, you feel there energy. Everyone has walked into a room and felt tension before. If the energy is negative, then this is what the other individuals feel when they are around you. If, however, your energy is positive and proud. This is what they feel. The people in your life, whether they are old friends or cousins you haven’t seen in years who are having a visit. These energies are spread out so that everyone feels everyone else’s energy. Picture having a rainbow around your body, and where your ‘focus goes, your energy flows’. Swirling and swishing around, jumping 50 ft at that person who caught your eye. Mixing with another when you hug someone.
The funny thing is, you can have a room of 10 people. 9 of these people may be in a bad mood, and there you may be sitting in the corner feeling positive and pride. Your energy can and will effect everyone else in that room. Positive energy will generally spread easier than negative will. The people in that room may be grumpy and thinking about how their life isn’t working out. Once you open up and share your positivity and pride, once these people can see and feel your energy and pride. They will want to take part, be a part of it. At times I have personally been in these situations and walked away feeling totally exhausted. However, knowing that a difference has been made from a natural energy, energy that originated from me but spread throughout everyone, a natural high, an inner pride takes over. So although you are feeling you could sleep for a week, you know there has been good done. And that good will then spread itself through those people.
It may only be a day or two before those individuals start to fall back into their routine of being unhappy with themselves for what ever reason. However keep in mind, that in that day, in the day that their energy was still up, they have also affected people. In the exact same way you affected them. They may have simply smiled at someone who cut them off on the road, or they may have opened a door for someone, helped another across the road. It’s irrelevant how the energy is passed on, the fact is, it IS passed on. The more you are filled with pride and positivity, the more you pass on, and then the more that is passed on and so on.
Imagine the effect this can have over a week of you being positive, a month, a year. Then imagine if you chose to keep this focus for your life, the effect it would have on you and the lives around you would be incredible. And EVERYONE will benefit. Whether they only come in contact with you for 5 minutes or 5 years. If you decided to focus on your inner being, your individuality. If you decided to take pride in your differences, take pride in you as an individual. With this pride comes positive energy, and this natural energy spreads easily. People in your life, your friends, relatives, and even those pesky neighbours. They would change, change for the better. It would improve their lives without them noticing. There are always going to be people who simply don’t want to smile or be happy. As much as these people are the ones that would benefit highly from it, they generally have been brought up to be that way. I’m not saying it’s impossible to change these people, but depending on their age and experiences, sometimes it’s a scary thing for them to find the real reason for their unhappiness. And no one but them can decide to change. That is their choice as an individual, and you must always respect that.
Don’t let them effect you though, don’t let their sadness or misery effect your pride in who you are and who you have become. Their sadness is not yours to take on-board, you can take the time to understand the sadness, but it is their’s to work through and if they choose that it is to difficult too work through, that is their choice. As it is your choice to make sure you keep you energy and pride a main priority.
As it is your choice to live your life and be you, be different, be your true self as the individual you want to be. At no point do these differences make us more or less worthy of love. At every point these differences are what makes us individuals. Which is what should be celebrated. Difference essentially creates love.
Peace & Love to you and those around you.
Happiness to ALL.
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g.m.c --